a short story
Nearly the moment
after I met Bonnie I knew we would be good friends. Her brown curls and
deep set, blue eyes assured me of our friendship, and when she warmly
took my hand for the first time, I knew that she could be trusted. I
loved Bonnie very much. We grew to be such good friends, and her
sentimental soul was always there to listen to whatever hurt I might be
going through, and to laugh about whatever crazy thing we might come up
with doing. Bonnie seemed such a sweet girl when I knew her. She
promised me and so many other people to always be there for us. To
always love. To always care.
I looked up to Bonnie more than
almost anyone else, and desired her affection and friendship more than
nearly anyone else's. She was sweet and perfect. No one had her caring
soul and affectionate nature, and no one would listen so well and be so
kind and caring. I considered her to be one of my best friends. I
trusted her. In fact, I loved her friendship so much, I was jealous for
it. If I thought any other girl was better friends with her, I
immediately turned on them and couldn't stand the sight of them.
I have never really pinned down what it was about Bonnie that made me
adore her so much. Perhaps it was just the fact that she was one of the
only people in the world who sincerely seemed to care about me. Maybe it
was because she was so perfect, and having one of those perfect,
blond-headed girls as such a good friend made me want to keep her for
forever. Or perhaps it was the fact that so many people desired her
friendship, but I was one of the few girls to whom she gave it. Or maybe
it was the fact that she needed me. Bonnie, despite her over-arching
nature of caring about others was an incredibly insecure person, and I
felt like perhaps I provided her with a security she didn't have. It's
possible that it was another reason entirely that I loved her so much,
but either way, she had my friendship, and I didn't want to let go of
it.
Bonnie and I did so much together, and had a grand time
doing whatever we felt like. Her perfection made me feel more perfect
myself. She was always so encouraging and complimentary of everything I
ever did. She complimented my looks, my clothes, my so-called talents,
nearly everything. She was so kind and made me feel like perhaps I was
better at certain things than I actually was. We became tight, and would
share deep secrets with each other that we were too afraid to tell to
others. She confided in me about things of the most secretive nature. I
was excited that she would trust me with so much.
But then it
happened. Bonnie went away from my life. Slowly, transparently, in an
almost unnoticeable fashion, and yet quickly, harshly, without warning
or apology. It felt like a ghost had quietly crept into my room and
cursed me. She left my life. Bonnie, that dear girl who I trusted so
much, who I loved so faithfully, who I nearly idolized. She left me. And
why? What did I ever do to hurt her? What did I ever do to make myself
unworthy of her friendship? I remember the day that Bonnie really left
my life. It was the day she lied to me. We had grown apart, but my love
and adoration for her had not left me. I still loved her and wanted to
be close friends with her. But she did something to hurt me and others
close to me. And then she told me a lie. It was the day she told me how
she considered me one of her closest friends. It was the day that she
told me she wanted to become better friends with me. I held on to the
small hope left in my heart that maybe she did want to be friends with
me. Maybe things could be like they had been. Maybe things would be
better.
She lied that day. Every time I saw her afterward, she
treated me with the same friendly indifference she did nearly everyone
else. It was then I saw her true colors. Bonnie was a hurtful, rude, and
arrogant person. The worst part is she was too naive to perceive it.
She didn't know and still doesn't that she is rude to nearly everyone,
because she is not self-conscious enough to know it. If she did know how
rude and hurtful she was, her soul would be crushed. And yet she goes
on living the same way, smiling at people and complimenting them, but
never treating them with any loyalty. Bonnie has her favorites and
always will. She will act like she loves and adores them, and then in
her flighty way go off and hurt them. Just as she did me.
I
don't know where she went the day she lied to me. I honestly believe she
didn't even intend to lie to me. But she hurt me, nonetheless. Like a
ghost, she flew out of my life, leaving an indelible mark on it:
distrust. Wherever she went, she took more of my trust of people with
her. I see Bonnie often. I see her smile and laugh with others as she
did with me once. And every now and then, Bonnie will look at me and
smile that same warm smile she used to every time I saw her. Bonnie will
compliment me sometimes. Bonnie will tell me she thinks I'm clever and
talented sometimes. Bonnie will tell me I'm pretty sometimes. But no
matter what Bonnie says, she can't return the trust I had for her. She
never could be able to return the trust I once had, even if she tried.
Once my trust is taken, it can't be returned. It won't be returned.
Where did you go Bonnie? And where did you take my trust?
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