I just survived my first week of the year. And quite honestly, I'm kind of proud of that fact. This year has already been crazy.
Even just this past week has been so busy. Especially this weekend... I'm plum worn out. I worked really hard on school all day on Friday, tried to pick up my ridiculously stereotypically messy teenage girl room, then went over to my cousin's house to spend the night. Stayed up til two. Got up at 7:30, came back home, continued cleaning my room, then dismantling it almost completely so my mom and I could paint it. Painted, cleaned, washed the dog, nailed, hung, placed, organized until about 4:30 - when a bunch of my friends came over to have a get together before my buddy Steven heads back to college. That goes until 10. I go to sleep at 11:30ish, get up at 7:30 again, and have to work in the preschool area of my church. Go to my dad's Sunday School class. Come home, have the first hour of relaxation since the beginning of the weekend, then head out to my friend Christine's house to hang out with her before
she goes back to college, then go
back to church and practice for the Lifehouse skit that we're doing in a month. -whew-
That was a mouthful.
And that's kind of what the rest of my semester is looking like. As much as I hate this, I'm kind of dreading the next three or four months. In general, I don't dread the future. I look forward to new, exciting challenges and classes and lessons I'll learn. But this semester I just want it over with. Done. So many people are expecting so much out of me all at the same time. I have two APs I need to study for, I need to study for the SAT, I need to keep up with my regular classes. I have a composition class and a crazy hard Latin class I have to do on top of my home school classes. I have mock trial (which, if you aren't in mock trial, you can never comprehend how intense it is). I have (at least) three piano competitions I need to prepare for, plus my spring recital. I have the Lifehouse skit which takes a good deal of time to prepare for. And it seems like all of these things are so important that I have to do perfectly on them. I need to do well on APs and SATs and my regular classes to get enough scholarships to go to the college I want to go to. I need to do well in mock trial because... well... it's a competition. Same with piano. And I want to do well on the Lifehouse skit for a couple of reasons - it's a powerful message to my entire youth group and it will be great practice for acting. I feel like if I mess up on any of these something will surely fall apart. (P.S. prayers would be gigantically appreciated)
It's when I look ahead to the 51 weeks ahead of me that I start freaking out.
51 weeks.
Crazy what can happen in 51 weeks.
I feel like I'm running a marathon - running, running, running. Racing to keep up and not fall behind all the others. Panting and huffing and not knowing if I'll be able to make the extra mile. Not knowing if I'll be able to push myself just a little bit more to accomplish just a few more goals. Not knowing if I'll be able to make my goal time. I'm tempted to stop by the water station and chill out for a few minutes. But then I remember I'm trying to win - and I keep running, running, running. Maybe even skip the water no matter how much I need it.
I'm on a race to make 5s on my APs and at least 2000s on my SAT. I'm on a race to keep my GPA up and not totally fail any of my classes. I'm on a race to have a perfect character in mock trial, to never fumble on my piano pieces, to be perfect in the Lifehouse skit, to be a caring friend and make time for all of my friends.
I'm on a race.
3.
2.
1.
And the next 51 weeks begin.
