This year I am proud to say that my brother graduated as salutatorian of the home school class, and my cousin, Macy, and one of my best friends, Drew, graduated as honor students. I was so excited for them, but at the same time I'm quite sad. My brother and my cousin are going to schools about two hours away from here. Drew will be staying here for another year at a community college, but he's planning on going to a great school about an hour or so away from here the next year. I'm going to be so lonely without these three, because besides a couple of other people, they are my core group of friends and I love them more than anyone in the world. I was excited for them, but at the same time I can't help but feel a bit sad about the thought of them leaving in a couple of months.
However, that being said, I was honestly surprised at my lack of sadness. Yes, I was sad, and I felt a bit nostalgic, but I was amazed that I didn't feel more so. I was honestly expecting to write this post today about how sad it was to see them graduate, how I cried, how I couldn't believe they would be leaving soon, how much I'd miss them, etc. etc. However, I find myself today thinking about something entirely different. Something I wasn't expecting to feel. Something I didn't see coming, until it slowly smacked me in the face (an oxymoron, but trust me, it makes sense): this is coming for me. Now I know that I've written a couple of posts on this recently, but I can't help but write another one. It seems lately that different things will just smack me upside the head and I suddenly realize that certain things will be reality for me soon. In my Father of the Bride post, I referenced how that movie suddenly made me think about leaving, about how soon I'd be leaving to go to college and then leaving my home permanently to get married. Those things are very strange to ponder indeed. But at graduation, things got even more real. Suddenly I realized there were things even closer than leaving for college and getting married. I suddenly realized that literally within a matter of two or three months, I will begin the process that my brother just ended. Spencer began his college searching process last fall, and it didn't end until a couple of months ago. Not only that, he has been working on finishing last minute work for school, studying for last APs and tests, etc. I've just seen him go through the whole process of finishing high school. And mine begins within a matter of about twelve weeks.
In some ways, I felt the premature rumblings of senioritis begin yesterday, as I saw nearly all of my best friends graduating. Suddenly realizing that I, too, was nearly there, made me want to jump ahead a year and be graduating as well. It's so crazy to think that within a year, I'll know where I'm going to college. I might have even graduated by this time next year. All my favorite things from high school will be over: mock trial, prom (and my senior prom at that), the Christmas dance, Chick-fil-a after youth group with my buddies, chorus, Toastmasters, and all the little things that make up my school life. And yet, at that point, I'll be doing little but looking forward to my future: college, majors, classes, new friends, orientation, professors, and all those lovely things. It's so strange... I'm starting to feel a nostalgia for things that haven't even happened yet, and yet I'm so ready for those things to be over with.
I know that senior year will fly by, but somehow all of it seems so far away. When I think about how fast my junior year has gone by, I know that senior year will go by even more quickly. But then when I think about the individual experiences that make up a school year, it seems like it will be so long until it's over. Funny how days and little experiences drag on in life and in your memories, but years fly by like a gale of a thunderstorm.
I can't begin to express how excited I have suddenly become for senior year. I have suddenly realized that it is actually beginning soon, and I suddenly realize that everything Spencer has just done is my life for the next year. Doing last credits. Taking last AP tests. Taking the SAT for the last time. Finalizing college decisions. Applying for scholarships. Waiting in hope of that letter that will say that you're accepted, over even better, that you have a scholarship in wait of you at the college you're dieing to attend. Those things are big deals. Those things will shape my future. And just thinking that those things are awaiting me in a matter of two months makes me want to scream and shout and ponder and think and completely weird out that I'm "old."
Graduation brought an onset of the weirdest emotions possible.
Excitement for things I can't wait for.
Terror of things that might happen.
Anticipation of the things yet to come.
Graduation is an exciting time.
I'm ready for mine now.
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