In Desire of Autumn

I'll admit it, I'm kind of a fall girl.
Although I'm pretty sure most of you know that.

I know I talk a lot about how much I love the sweaters, cicadas (just so long as they're not on my face, head, or within fifty feet of me), leggings and jeans, pumpkins, apple cider, and the like. And it's true, I absolutely adore those things. I love the idea of back to school supplies, carrying around Vera Bradley purses and bags, sitting in the backyard with my camera, and all those lovely things that just come with autumn.
However, there is something that I don't talk about a lot in relation to autumn, and that is music.
To me, each season has a "sound" in music. Spring is a conglomeration of beautiful indie music and the beginning of summer music. Summer music is some good rock music, ranging from Southern rock like Lynyrd Skynyrd to some good "hard" rock (at least in my terms) like Anberlin. Winter music is usually just Christmas music. Incessantly. Constantly. Every second of the day. I listen to a little bit of other stuff, you know, a little bit of Coldplay awesomeness, but really. Christmas music is really all I need during winter.
But as for autumn, it has probably the most distinct sound. It's just the most beautiful of sounds. To me, autumn sounds like The Avett Brothers, Relient K, Paul Colman Trio, Michael Buble, Ella Fitzgerald, Nickel Creek, David Crowder Band, and Dashboard Confessional. It's a mix of light rock, bluegrass, and the good 'ol 40s classics.
I know to most people some of these bands might not sound particularly "fallish," but to me they have particular memories attached to them. I remember finding the song "Stolen" by Dashboard Confessional last autumn and absolutely falling in love with it, listening to it incessantly. I remember listening to Michael Buble and Ella Fitzgerald the past two years, and especially last year; that music helped me through so much. I remember blasting The Avett Brothers and Relient K while driving down the interstate with my brother. Paul Colman Trio reminds me of Chicago in the fall. These things are just lovely to me.

Since autumn is coming, I decided to follow the trend of posting playlists from Spotify to my blog. This is an August playlist. You'll definitely hear a mix of summer sounds and autumn sounds. It could go from Anberlin to Ella Fitzgerald in a heartbeat, so be prepared for anything. *wink*



To me these songs bring a roaring end to swimming in the river, eating frozen yogurt, driving down the interstate in the heat of summer, and watching summer flicks at the theater, while heralding in watching White Collar, drinking hot tea, cider, and chai incessantly, sitting outside with blankets and hot, homemade popcorn, and festivals.

So long summer. Welcome autumn.

August - A month for thought

August is my least favorite month of the year.

Although this might seem like a pessimistic thing to say, let me give you a few reasons why I hate August so much:

First. It's the month in which I start back to school. And this year I am a senior. And I am not ready for it. I started school on Monday, and literally sat at my desk for nearly thirty minutes thinking, "I'm not ready for this. I'm not ready for this. I'm not ready for this." You guys, I'm seriously not ready to be a senior.

Second. For the past two years, I have just gotten back from a two week long camp where I had super close friends. And I return to home. And home isn't exactly that lovely fairy tale land called summer camp. Home is that place called real life. Fairy tale mindsets and the stuff the real life throws at you don't dwell well together, I've learned.

Third. I have many bad memories attached to August. For the past two years, August has been a time in which I have gone through something incredibly difficult in my life. I'm starting to feel like August is a virtual Friday the 13th for me.

Fourth. It is that time that is just before autumn. And you want autumn so badly. But you can't reach it because it's still ninety-six and a half degrees outside. 

And the list goes on.

I'm not a fan of August.

However, at the same time, I feel rather reclusive and thoughtful this month. As I said, the past two years, two of some of the hardest things in my life had either just happened or were happening in August, and it was just a tough month. Or, for last year, the first of several tough months.

I like to look back to those times and see where I have come from those. 

I have grown.

I am a different person.

I like to imagine that God has shaped me and is still shaping me from and through these experiences. Although they are painful at the time, they have led me to a deeper sense of God's presence, power, and love. And if I can see that, believe that, and feel that, I think that those experiences were for the best.

Also, since August is the month of starting school back for pretty much every school kid, I tend to muse about past school days. I feel like an eighty year old sometimes when I think back to my freshman year... it feels like it was so long ago, when in reality, it was only three years ago. But I like to imagine those late summer and early autumn days when I first started high school. It's especially funny and interesting this year, because I'm a senior. Looking at my freshman self and looking at myself now, in comparison, is quite amusing. And once again,

I like to look back to those times and see where I have come from those.

I have grown.

I am a different person.

Lastly, like I said, August is that time just before autumn when the cicadas start screaming their melodies in the oak tree behind our house. It's that time when you can just feel autumn coming. Although the weather doesn't seem to speak of its coming, I can just imagine the feeling of warm plaid shirts and sweaters, of my knee socks and blankets. I can imagine the cozy feeling of drinking apple cider out on the back porch, huddled up in a ball, sipping the spicy scent, wearing wool socks and a ridiculously large sweater, and watching the leaves change from green to yellow and fall to the ground. I love how the seasons reflect life. In nature there is a constant living and dying, and beginning of new things and ending of old ones. And it makes me think about our own lives. The fleeting senior year will soon turn to yellow leaves, and will fall slowly (or perhaps quickly depending on how much I procrastinate on graduation and college business) until every last hint of my life in high school is gone. Yet I'll still be there, ready to grow again in whatever lies ahead.
In August, I'll think about those things.

In August, I'll imagine the hearty taste of butternut squash filled with sausage and apples.

In August, I'll remember where I've come from and where God has brought me.

In August, I'll remember the feeling of warm socks and sweaters.

In August, I'll remember the scents I smell when I get pumpkins at Fresh Market.

In August, I'll remember the sight of the brightest blue sky.
In August, I'll prepare for the things that will one day be nostalgic remembrances.

In August, I'll remember skipping down the street singing Josh Bales and watching the leaves.

In August, I'll remember autumn. I'll remember change. I'll remember.

Past Augusts have brought a lot of things that have tried to bring me down. But this August, I'll remember how those things, in the end, brought me up.

"The first week of August hangs at the very top of 

summer,

the top of the live-long year, like the highest

Ferris wheel when it pauses in its turning.

The weeks that come before are only a climb from

balmy spring,

and those that follow a drop to the 

chill of autumn,

but the first week of August is motionless, and hot.

It is curiously silent, too, with blank white dawns

and glaring noons,

and sunsets smeared with too much color.

Often at night there is lightning,

but it quivers all alone."

-Natalie Babbitt 

Of Pinterest Fashion - BEDA #3

I got a Pinterest account about a month or two ago. I've been obsessively (though hopefully not to the annoyance of other pinners) pinning ideas. Food ideas, fashion ideas, inspirational ideas, hair ideas, traveling ideas... for a crafty girl (who fails at crafts) like me, it's heaven on earth.
I won't be going through all of my pinterest pins today, just a specific board: my fashion board. Honestly, I'm rather obsessed with fashion. And you can't blame me much, considering my fashion taste used to look like a combination of an awkward middle schooler and a fashionable 50 year old woman. Since then, thankfully, my mind has been able to grasp the concept of "fashion" and I've moved on to have quite a good taste in clothes. The only unfortunate thing is, is it's nearly impossible to find such fashion when you have any kind of a budget on clothes. $5 for a shirt? Heresy! Okay, so I'm not that bad, but I do try to shop relatively cheap by going to Goodwill for most of my clothes, and otherwise, shopping sales.
And look at me, I've gone off on a rabbit trail as usual. My point is, I adore fashion, and have been pinning away. So here are some of my fashion ideas on Pinterest:

I'm loving these skinnies & shoes. 

I want to be a librarian and dress like this everyday. Ohmygosh so cute. <3

Love the plaid shirt and hat

If any picture could describe what I wished my wardrobe looked like

this would be it. 

Definitely one of my favorite outfits ever. Love the color scheme. Perfect for autumn

Adorable outfit. so summer/chic

Knee socks, ftw!

And that, my dear friends, is just a little taste of my favorite fashion-y things. I really like a mix of hipster/hippie/casual/chic, and really have a thing for knee socks, leggings/tights, booties, and cardigans. Ah, lovely things they are.

So, three days in and I haven't missed one yet! So proud of myself. Only 27 more days to go.

By the way, for anyone who is interested, here are my videos for the first two days of VEDA:



I love how I just did a post on fashion and then ironically post a video with the worst clothes known to man in it.... you know, turtlenecks and purple dresses with red hats on them are just really my thing. lol


Wow... sometimes I amuse myself with my insanity. I don't think I realized just how tired I was when I was making this video.

So long until tomorrow everyone!

I'd Rather Be Living

And I have been. Lots of living to have been done lately.
There is something about simply enjoying simple daily pleasures that make me so happy. Like seeing the first signs of autumn. Discovering new (good) musicians. Chipping all my nail polish off. Owling.
Life has been pretty good lately. It's been pretty happy. It's been pretty full. It's been pretty much amazing. This month hasn't been the greatest, but the past week has been fantastic. And yesterday was one of those days when you want to throw your hands up and scream, "I had the most freaking amazing day ever!" Because it basically was. It wasn't particularly anything special. I didn't even do a lot. But it was so amazing. So fun. So beautiful. And it looked so autumnal outside.

But life has been treating me well.

I went to some of my friend's home church last Sunday for one of my buddy's 17th birthday.
I went to church on Wednesday and had a great time of worship. And had the Lord's Supper. And watched around 15-20 people get baptized.
Got to talk to a person with Downs Syndrome. I love people with Downs. They're so sweet and cute. <3
Broke my typical rule of being a mature, snarky, and old junior by climbing up in the coolest playground ever with my best friend.
Found a three and a half inch long roach on my wall next to my bed soon after I got up.
Heard my brother scream louder than I've ever heard him scream before (which says a lot. Because he screams pretty loudly. And he has a really deep voice. So it's painful. Especially when you're innocently looking at shoes on the DSW website and suddenly your eardrums are busted and you're pretty sure your ears are bleeding)
Was so mad about something I wanted to rip my hair out. But I refrained. And just sat there and smiled. Amusing predicament.
Decided this song was pretty fantastic. Good first dance song at a wedding. Definitely.

And that was just my week. My yesterday was even better. Credit all the pictures (except the last two in this post) to one of my favorite people, Holly <3

Went hiking with all of my best friends
For at least three miles.
And didn't die.
Or even whine.
Saw the first signs of autumn in the deep blue sky and beautiful warm toned light that shone through the trees.
Felt like we were in the Fellowship of the Ring with nine super awesome people walking around in a place that looked identical to places in the movie.
Went to a place that is usually has super awesome waterfalls, but was turned off.
And there were lots of pretty deep pockets of water.
And what do you do when you're hot and there are 27 signs saying don't swim and the water is super pretty and looks awesome?
You go swimming.
So awesome. Except when my cousin, Macy, and Daniel dunked me in the water.
And I had mascara on.
And I looked emo.
And everyone laughed at me.
Swam for at least 30 minutes.
Felt so crazy joyful. Not happy. Joyful. Merry. Frolicsome.
Skipped over tons of rocks joyfully.
Saw a white turtle.
Laughed.
Owled.


Didn't have my camera and was super chagrined about that.
Laid out on a rock and was pretty sure I was going to get a third degree burn it was so hot.
Randomly loved this picture of my brother.

Went back to my friends' house.
Sat around. Talked.
Wanted to take a nap because nothing makes me more tired than swimming (or taking care of three year olds, but that's beside the point)
Watched a video of my friend Rachel rapping when she was eight years old
Listened to RelientK with my brother on the way home
Took a picture with my buddyyy Holly with our Dr. Seuss shirts on


So although I adore blogging.....
I'd rather be living. <3
(so I can later blog about how I'd rather be living. how ironic. and stupid of me)

The cream of enjoyment in this life is always
impromptu.
The chance walk; the unexpected visit;
the unpremeditated journey;
the unsought conversation or acquaintance.
{fanny fern}

An Update on the Life of Me

So. I haven't been blogging. But honestly, it's because I simply have nothing to blog about. Life has been pretty utterly boring lately. It's been full of geometry and eating Oreos.
But I suppose I should do a blog post, and thus, I am....

First off, I've been awaiting the arrival of autumn. Of cool air and bright blue skies pumpkins. Honestly, to me, you're completely disturbing if you dislike autumn. As I wrote in my journal, "Autumn contains beautiful colors, warm and cozy tastes, crisp air, bright blue skies, fuzzy sweaters and ripped jeans, crunchy leaves and those malicious sweet gum balls in the thousands, spider lilies, gourds and pumpkins, hay rides, bonfires, s'mores, hot chocolate and apple cider, listening to some Coldplay, OneRepublic, David Crowder, and Parachute, drinking lattes at Starbucks, plum and chocolate colored nail polish, boiled peanuts, shopping for long sleeve shirts and even more fuzzy sweaters, and sitting out in the yard looking at weeds and dead leaves and pumpkins and clear bright blue skies. Not adoring all of those things seems like a completely foreign idea to me. Not wanting all of them so badly you could scream and stomp your little feet seems completely inhuman."

I've also been desperately missing Winston. Although I've been a little bit busy, I still have times when I'm just sitting there and I realize he's gone, and I'll just start crying. It still hurts. I'm getting a little bit used to the idea, but it still catches me off guard a lot of times. I'll expect him to go running to the door when my dad comes in from work, or I'll expect him to be sitting in the floor with me and my mom at night while we talk. I'll expect to hear him running out of his crate in the morning, barking and yelping for food. I miss him lotsandlotsandlotsandlots. And lots.

{mr. fluffykins <3 }

Also, I finally decided to get a tumblr. Wow. I have too much to keep up with... Facebook, Twitter, tumblr, a blog, a Youtube account, and accounts on about a billion scholarship websites (really just three, but it takes up a lot of my time). In any case, back on topic. I have found tumblr wonderful, simply because you can post millions of joyous things a day, and nobody cares. If you want to go see it (you know you do), click here. And follow it. Because you're awesome like that.

Another thing... I've begun school. So I'm officially a junior now. An upperclassman. I feel like screaming with joy and completely freaking out. It's kind of weird to realize that I have completed half of my high school career, and after this year, I have one more year with regular school, and then off to college I go. -gasp- That's a scary thought indeed.... So far this year, I've been doing geometry, botany, literature, Bible, geography, fine arts, history, logic, and all sorts of other delightful things. Hopefully soon I'll be starting Chemistry, psychology, Latin (my third year.... here I come Virgil and Cicero (oh how I do despise and hate you, Cicero)), and Algebra 2. That's the thing with being homeschooled: you tend to carry things from one year to the next. But I'm working my tail off to finish everything up and start some more stuff up. This school year has already been crazy... and it's only been going for three days. That should tell you something.

I was finally reunited with my bestestestest friend ever on Sunday, after a month of not seeing each other. It was a horrible month. I nearly died. I seriously screamed when I saw her. Seriously. Well, I already do that anyway since I love her so much.....

Missed this girl:
And this guy


lotsandlotsandlotsandlots.
Because they're awesome.
And I wish they were here.
COME BACK TO ME JORDAN & MEGAN.

And although I could go on and on about all the other things I've been doing, I really should be playing piano right now.
But I hope all of you have a fantastic day/week/however long until I post next.
Goodnight to everyone.