{music is the poetry of the air}

Okay, honestly, I promise this is the last post on piano that I'll do for a while. But today was my final piano performance for my sophomore year... and it was intense. It was my recital. And although it seems as if recitals would be a little more relaxed than competitions... eh, not really. Everyone is terrified. Shaking. Shifting from side to side wishing it was all over. Recitals tend to be that way. And then once it's all over you're overjoyed and birds are singing and the world is rejoicing and singing the Hallelujah Chorus. No joke.
It all began this morning. I woke up at seven feeling awful and nervous and was nearly shaking I was so nervous. Yes.... I get nervous and shaky up to 12 hours before I supposed to play. Pitiful, I know, but that's just me. I got up a little bit later, but didn't start practicing until about 12. After that it was on and off playing until it was time to leave. There I was, all fancied up for the recital (prom dress and all. My recitals are pretty legit), and trying to choke down a chicken salad. You see, I can barely ever eat when I'm nervous. It makes me feel even more nervous, and then it makes me feel sick. But I managed to actually eat, and then I went and played a little bit before we left. I was sounding great. That is, until the last two times I ran through my Moszkowski etude. It was pretty bad. In fact, it nearly sounded awful. So I was awfully nervous and all sorts of horrible things that could happen were running through my head. But off to the music hall at the local college we went. Once we got there, I got to sit with my buddies Nick and Barret (best pianists evverrr). Barret and I mused over how we hated being so late in the recital. I was 12th out of 16, and Barret was right after me. Nick picked on me horribly. Apparently he likes making people feel ten times more nervous than they already are. But all the same, he made me laugh in the process so maybe it balanced out...? Anyway, soon enough the recital was under way, and hearts started racing. My teacher had some of the most talented students play a Beethoven sonata, each student playing a different movement. After that there were all the adorable kids who show off and are so proud of themselves. And -then- it happens. People start playing your level music. And they're all playing it perfectly. Which puts you under even more pressure because then you feel like you have to do at least as well, preferably better.
About half way through, Nick played. The way he plays music is basically out of this world. The last piece he played was so good it had me nearly in fits of joyful giggles 'cause it was such a frolicsome piece. But as he stepped down, it hit me like a baseball in the head (which trust me is not loads of fun.... it's happened to me before). I realized only three more girls were going to go, and then it would be my turn. Oh joy. Suddenly it occurred to me that getting a fever and throwing up or having a seizure would be incredibly convenient. But, as always, those kinds of things don't happen when they're terribly convenient. The three girls went. The last girl was quite good, but me? I could barely pay attention. Nerves. Shaky hands. Feeling like I might even possibly DIE because of the stress. Okay. It wasn't that bad. But nonetheless, I was nervous. I was praying really hard. And I told myself as she was stepping down that it was my turn to show everyone what kind of talent I got. Whooo. Go me. Feel the excitement. Can I die now? Yeah. I really hate playing for people if you didn't catch my drift.
I got up there. I sat down. I adjusted my dress, my bench... and then it was time to play. I played Soft Lights first (yeah, the piece that I played for Festival and those two other competitions). Of course that one doesn't really scare me, but all the same, I was shaking. Legs, arms, hands, -everything- was shaking. Thankfully it wasn't visible but trust me, it was occurring. That piece went fine. I don't remember any particular slip ups, so it was fine. But then came my nemesis. I had mostly got it down, but if you recall from about ten paragraphs up (yeah, I talk a lot. Blogger is handy in that respect), I had played it pretty badly before I left for the recital. But I began playing. And I was playing. And not messing up. And there were people out there watching me not mess up. Yeessss. Success much! I kept playing and playing. Only on the third page did I make my first very minor mistake. And then on the last page I made a very weird mistake that I don't ever recall having made. I forgot the notes. I made something up. It sounded bad but hopefully not too noticeable. And then continued. And from there it went perfectly. I played it nearly perfectly! If you've been around me at all, you have probably heard me say that while I was walking down I was seriously restraining myself from bursting into a random Irish jig. I was so delighted that it was over and I no longer had to worry about it or think about it or be nervous about it or practice for hours on end to get ready for it.
In fact, I was so joyful I was like a little kid the rest of the recital. I could barely pay attention to anything. Sure, I listened to the music and enjoyed it immensely, but there's nothing like the feeling of finishing something that you've been dreading for weeks. After I went, Barret went... and he blew me away. It is very, very, very rare that someone will make me smile nearly the whole time they're playing. Barret has that unusual talent of making me do that. I'm completely serious when I say at one point I honestly could not see his hands. They were moving so fast that I couldn't tell which was which or what they were doing. All I knew is this incredible sound was coming from the notes he was playing. When he began I was already delighted enough that I was done. But by the time he was done I was completely ready to squeal and giggle and laugh. Have you picked up on the fact I was (and still am) completely hyper and giggly and gleeful? Of course you haven't. Hah.
Anyway, the rest of the students who played were knock-out good. It's rare that you go to a recital and you feel like you're in a world-class concert.
After the recital was cake and punch and happiness all around. Good stuff. Also, I was terribly excited because I think I had at least 4 or 5 people compliment me on my expression in the way I play. Which made me oh-so-delighted because one of my former teachers used to tell me over and over that I needed to add more expression to the way I play. And voila! After much practice, I can finally do it.
And below, you may view my performance, if you'd like.



P.S. Congratulations if you actually read this whole post that was posted completely out of the remaining hyperness that was left in me after finishing my recital. I respect you for having such endurance.

-music is an outburst of the soul-

Ah. So I know that I just previously did a post on piano. But I can't help but do another one. For some reason, lately I have just fallen in love with piano. I've been just sitting at the piano actually wanting to play. You see, I seem to play this game with my piano - it includes hating it for about three months, and then falling in love with it anew and adoring it with every ounce I can muster. I've been playing as much as I can with as much passion as I can. As Ludwig van Beethoven put it, "To play without passion is inexcusable!" Mhmm. So very true.
As of right now, I'm terribly excited, because I have an excuse to play and play and play. That reason being - it appears that I will soon be working on 10 pieces. I'm working on two sections of a Beethoven sonata (Op. 2 No. 3), the piece called Soft Lights, Chopin's Nocturne in E-flat Major, Mozart's Concerto in G Major, maybe a Bach invention or two, Moszkowski's Etude in A flat Major, and my piano teacher wants to start me on a Scarlatti sonata, an impromptu by Schubert, and a partita by Bach. So I'm very very excited and happy about it. Not to mention I want to learn some stuff by myself - some Jim Brickman, George Winston (only the best pianist ever), some hymn arrangements, and maybe - possibly - some Schumann. Not to mention I like coming up with things myself. But that's the plan for now.
I shall leave all of you off with this quote from what I was writing in my journal this afternoon concerning piano:
"It brings me joy. It's fun and awesome. I dunno what made me suddenly fall in love with it again. It's like around the competition and Festival I fell in love with it. Actually... come to think of it, it happened around this one time... So Adam [my youth pastor] taught a message on the parable of the talents, and he was saying how we should use everything God gave us. And while we were discussing it in small group, it hit me that I wasn't using all my talents on piano. I realized God has given me a talent for piano (both literally and figuratively ;), and if I don't use it, I am dishonoring God. After that, plus the fact I had the competition and Festival coming up, I put 30 minutes to an hour in every day, when previously I had only been putting in two or three hours a week [and yes, actually surviving pretty well with it, if I do say so myself], at best. But God will bless me if I used my talent to His glory. He wants me to use it to His glory. And I want to use it to His glory. Perhaps it's like Eric Liddell says about running in Chariots of Fire, 'I believe God made me for a purpose, but He also made me fast. And when I run I feel His pleasure.' I mean... that's how I feel when I play piano. I don't always feel that way. But I know He has given me something He hasn't given everybody. I need to grasp it, hold on to it as tightly as I can and give it my all."


P.S. Watch this guy play piano. I'm hoping to death this will be the impromptu that I get, because it's gorgeous. I want to play like this guy sooooo flippin bad. He's the epitome of musical.

~piano~

One thing has been on my mind this whole week. What? Piano. Why? Probably because I had two piano competitions this week. Okay... so one of them wasn't an actual competition, but it was an evaluation where you play in front of a judge, which to me is just as bad as a competition. This whole week I've been practicing piano like crazy. Lots of my free time went into playing and practicing and going through things over and over and over. Mostly I've been worried about the concerto I've been playing. I've only had it about 6 or 7 months, and that isn't exactly long enough to learn a 10 minute piece to play in front of a judge. I didn't really have it down until... well... honestly, yesterday. I thought I was ready to go and show the judges that I was the most incredible pianist ever.
Well... today came the competitions. The first one, Festival, like I said was just an evaluation. But I had my concerto first. Without warming up. BAD idea. My concerto.... I bombed it. It died. I failed. It was absolutely awful... at best. Okay, honestly, it wasn't so bad that I forgot where I was and had to stop or anything like that. But I missed so many notes (or even two or three measures at some points), it was pretty bad. Some of it actually wasn't too bad. Other parts, I'd rather have erased from my memory. But that was the piece I was most nervous about. So when it was over, it was over. And goodness gracious was I happy about it being over. I played a couple of hymns for the same judge, and then I was done with that judge. Thankfully. And I hope I never see her again because it would be an embarrassment after how I played.
Anyway, I was done with the concerto, so pretty much all of my jitters went away. I had two more pieces to play - one being the Scherzo section of a Beethoven sonata, and the other piece is called Soft Lights. I went in to see the next judge, who listened to those two pieces. They went quite fantastically, for the most part. Understandably, though, because I've been playing the sonata for over a year, and Soft Lights is slow and not terribly difficult either. So I was done with that. I was done with Festival. As far as I know, I got a superior in my hymns and solo pieces. My concerto? I don't even want to know what awful comments I got. But it's okay - thankfully things like that don't upset me much.
This afternoon, though, I had the real competition. The big deal. The thing that actually counted. Amusingly enough, I was immensely less nervous about this. Reason being, I didn't have to touch my concerto again. No more concerto playing for another scary judge. This competition was at 3:15 for me. I played the sonata and Soft Lights again, amusingly enough for the same judge that I played them for this morning. But I was glad to have him, because he seemed very amiable and fair. I played my sonata, and felt a little more shaky on it than I did the previous morning, but it wasn't too bad. And like I said, the judge seemed fair, and he seemed to be the kind of judge who would be lenient, and understand being nervous and such (and heaven knows I get nervous... sometimes my hands shake so bad that I completely fail at a piece). I then played Soft Lights... and rocked it. It was nearly perfect. Maybe one or two minor slip ups, but besides that it went marvelously. I walked out. I was done with all competitions. Joy and freedom and release. Quite honestly, I hate piano competitions. Playing for my own pleasure, okay, that's the epitome of fun. Playing for a judge under pressure with my hands shaking and me messing up every two notes? No thank you. Anyway, I felt pretty good about it, but I wasn't sure if I was going on to state. My dad and I waited outside for the last two students to play, and then the judge would announce who was going to state. Finally, they were finished. All the students stood in a row looking intently at the judge. My heart was beating faster and faster. The judge finally said, "And the winner for the 10th grade students...." He announced the name of some random girl I didn't know. I figured there was only one winner per grade, so I felt kind of disappointed. I had wanted to win, but it wasn't a big deal. But then... he called out my name. My name. Like. My name. MY name. I wanted to scream and dance around like a chicken with it's head cut off. Okay, unpleasant imagery, terribly sorry, but really, I was unbelievably excited! I couldn't believe I had actually made it to state! My teacher was super excited too (especially after the concerto fiasco this morning). And so I had done it. I was immediately texting my boyfriend, calling my mom.... it was an awesome moment.
In fact... my dad and I were so excited we celebrated with some Starbucks and their awesome new petite desserts (they're so cute and yummy), and then my dad took me to Barnes & Noble and told me to go get a book that I wanted to buy... which of course, happened to be a music book. ;) It's the piano solos from the new version of Pride & Prejudice (okay, I'm not a huge fan of the movie, but the music is gorgeous).
So. That was my day. Filled with too much piano for my taste. But it was quite marvelous and I had a wonderful time. <3
Have a blessed Sunday!