Don't be a stranger

I was standing in Barnes & Noble this evening looking at journals. I've nearly finished a journal that I've been using all year, and I was on a quest to find that perfect journal. I'm very adamant about a particular way that my journals must look. They need to be the perfect size, material, style, etc. It's nearly a journey for me to find the perfect journal. I had nabbed up several of them. Two or three with owls. One with a scene of Paris. One with Jane Austen quotes in it. One with the Beatles on it. There were so many choices. Eventually I snagged the perfect one - it's made out of natural materials, the paper is handmade, and the bookmark has a button on the end. Schnazzy, artsy, perfect for me.
Even though I had already decided which one I wanted, I still stood in the section wishing I had the money to buy all the journals in there. As I was standing there, a girl looking about my age walked up. Expecting the usual "I'm better than you" attitude I usually get from teenage girls, I pretty much ignored her and continued looking at the beautiful shelves stacked one on top of the other filled with empty pages meant to be written on. But as I continued looking, I heard a voice next to me say, "I like that journal." I looked over at the girl standing next to me, and I agreed with her. Even this unusual human contact with a stranger who was a teenage girl, I expected that to be the only thing she said. I gave kind of a long reply saying that I really enjoyed journals and had been journaling since I was eight. She expressed an interest and said, "Oh me too!" I was surprised she gave much of a response. Usually small talk you have with people ends up being only a few sentences.
But before I knew it, we were deep in conversation. Stemming from our conversation on journals, she asked me what I was interested in doing when I went to college, and I said I wanted to major in English. She excitedly replied she did too. We went on to talk about college, where we wanted to go, what we wanted to do after college. Then we started talking about books, our favorite authors and books, etc. She also told me she was on a retreat with her youth group, and we talked about Christianity, our churches, and we even talked about how we had both been going through some tough things lately, and how different circumstances in our lives were helping us get through that. I was very impressed with her openness about her faith - most people, especially teenagers usually don't strike up a conversation and immediately start talking about their faith. Before I knew it, a 20 or 30 minute conversation had occurred and I felt like we were friends.
One thing that I love is meeting strangers. I'm not usually one to strike up a conversation with a stranger, unless it's a bit of small talk. But when someone does it with me, I love just talking with a stranger. Meeting someone new. As Walt Whitman once said, "Stranger, if you passing meet me and desire to speak to me, why should you not speak to me? And why should I not speak to you?" It's just an interesting thought that the person you're standing next to in the bookstore, the person sitting behind you in a coffee shop, the person waiting next to you at the stoplight - all of these people could be so similar to you. In fact, they could be a future good friend of yours. One of my biggest pet peeves is people's tendency to hide away from other humans. To never open up. To act superior and to walk with their noses in the air to hide a sense of insecurity about them. Even I have a tendency to do that sometimes. I wish people would open up sometimes - try to meet new people and interact with others. You never know what you could do for a stranger by doing so.
Don't be a stranger!

"A stranger is just a friend I haven't met yet."

-Will Rogers

Merry Christmas here's to many more

It's almost Christmas day.
As I sit on my bed with my Christmas, knee-toe socks, listening to my favorite Relient K Christmas songs, I can barely believe it's almost here. It feels like the season just began. And now it's almost over.
I've spent the past few days doing typical Christmasy things. Thursday was my baking fest: two batches of cookies, a batch of fudge, and two pecan pies. Three hours in the kitchen. It's not very often that I have the time or inclination to bake for three (or maybe it was four...) hours, but it just seemed like a classic Christmas thing to do. And oh how I do love baking. It fills the air with a scents of Christmas. (aha. Look at what I did there. Isn't that funny? No? Okay...)
Christmas presents galore today. My cousins, my brother, and I all went out mid afternoon today to do last minute Christmas shopping. Shops bursting at the seams with lots of folks and people smiling more than usual. Boots and hats and sweaters if you felt like being Christmasy even though it was in the 60s or 70s. It's so lovely to see everyone with Christmas in their hearts.
Despite the fact that I'm 16, Christmas holds a certain magic to it. I've almost always been one of those starry eyed, head-in-the-clouds kind of girls - reading the whole Anne of Green Gables series didn't help matters much. And so when something that's generally known as magical comes around, I'm all the more starry eyed, head-in-the-clouds. If you had been looking out the window of one of the houses in my neighborhood today, you might have spotted me skipping down the street gleefully looking at the pretty clouds and bright blue skies listening to Christmas Lights on my iPod. Every Christmas, and this year particularly, certain songs, smells, sights remind me of being a little kid. It's so beautiful.
I love how there is one time in the year that everyone wants to spend it doing traditional things, and spend it remembering, loving, cherishing those dear old memories of long ago (or not so long ago). Everyone becomes a child around Christmas. Everyone comes together, and there's a sense of love and that wintry color of blue in the air.

Every day during the Christmas season, I'm more than likely to get the chills thinking about a perfect Christmas scene. I smile as I open my windows in the morning and look at the chilly morning outside, frost on the ground, blue light making its way through the clouds covering any and all sky. If no one is looking, I might twirl around the kitchen for a full minute while humming I Hate Christmas Parties. I still go in the dining room where our Christmas tree is to count presents. I'll sit on my bed drinking chai or hot chocolate staring complacently out into the wintry clouds listening to I Celebrate the Day. And I may or may not dance around my room lip-syncing to All I Want for Christmas is You if I'm in not such a cozy-sweaters-and-chai mood.

Yes, indeed, I believe something fills me around Christmas that no other time of year can do. Oh yes, I'm a generally very happy person. But at Christmas I find a little bit more secret kind of joy. It's not the kind that everyone can see. It's a deep feeling of absolute bliss. A feeling of winter and blue skies and snow and white lights. A simple kind of peace. Peace.... candles flickering. Knitting fingerless gloves and leg warmers. Blankets and good books. Fires. It's that simplicity and complete contentedness that makes my heart so thrilled. And although if you were to look at me at such a moment of contentedness, you might only see a slight smile, as Anne of Green Gables would say, "I'm thrilled to the very depths of my soul."

I don't know if everyone enjoy Christmas in such a childish way as I do, but I believe that most people enjoy some sort of light feeling around the heart at this time of year. Amid all the stress of present wrapping and Christmas cookie baking, I think most people find some time to sit down and appreciate some sort of James Taylor easiness in their soul. (and if they don't, they must have an absolutely rotten month) It's so good to be around people who all feel that kind of joy.
One thing that has changed since when I was kid was that all I ever used to think about were the presents. Sure, I liked looking at lights and watching Christmas movies, but it all led up to the day that you actually opened presents. Now I couldn't care less about the presents. I just love the general mood. The beauty and wonder of the smiling heart. I care about the love that is spread. And I care about the childlike wonder that people are more likely to feel around Christmastime. It's a beautiful thing.

Another beautiful thing is the story about a teenage girl, a carpenter, and a baby born in a stable and placed in an animal trough. The story that continues to a cross. The story that tells of a loving Savior. One that would allow us to receive grace and redemption. The Christmas story gives us the promise stated in Ephesians 2:4-7, "But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ - by grace you have been saved - and raised us up with Him and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages He might show the immeasurable riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus." We have received this grace because of that lovely story that Linus tells in A Charlie Brown Christmas. Tidings of great joy. On earth peace and good will toward men.

Fragile finger sent to heal us

Tender brow prepared for thorn

Tiny heart whose blood will save us

Unto us is born

Unto us is born

So wrap our injured flesh around You

Breathe our air and walk our sod

Rob our sin and make us holy

Perfect Son of God

Welcome to our world 

Merry Christmas!
Here's to many more


{and I'm off to enjoy the typical Christmas Eve traditions - crab soup, opening one present, and watching a delightful Christmas classic... most likely It's a Wonderful Life or How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Oh how I love them both. Who doesn't love Dr. Seuss and Jimmy Stewart?}

Blessing Deeper Than We Know

Christmas.
Oh it's been so lovely this year.
Of course, when is Christmas not lovely?
But despite the fact that it has been lovely, I've been reminded of things that are even more lovely. And those are the most important things I've learned this year.

I've learned this year that most things that we make out to be so very important really mean nothing at all and the things that we tend to treat with least respect and value are the things that we need to value the most. We take so many things for granted.  Sometimes I think sometimes it takes loss to realize just how important some things are. That occurred to me this year. And it was jolted into me just how much I need to value things I had been neglecting.
I think a lot of times when we grow up, we begin to devalue the more important things.  And we tend to devalue those things because we've been taught and told and had it hammered into us that material things are more important. And perhaps we've heard the cliched, sappy statements about family and friends too many times. And perhaps the world begins to tell us as we become older that looks, money, possessions, popularity, and other completely worthless objects are the things that we need to value most. This year I've begun to learn that those things are pointless. They hold no lasting value. Sure, feeling popular is nice. Having the latest gadget, fine. Being rich, no problems there. Being gorgeous, that's all good. But when we begin to build our lives around if we're popular enough, if we look rich enough, if we're attractive enough, that's when things become ridiculous. We need to go back and remember those perhaps overly sappy, cheesy statements about friends and family. About making a difference. About loving others. Maybe those cliched statements aren't so far off.

The most valuable lesson I've learned this year is to treasure true friendship.

The value of a truly trustworthy friend.

Having people who you can chill out with. 

Sit around and listen to Weird Al songs with.

People who you can be a little crazy with. 

Who will love you anyway

And join in with your insanity

People who you know love you.

And will not matter what.

Who will listen to you, and who you'll listen to.

Who will

hug you.

Tell you it's alright.

The kinds of people who you can cry on their shoulder

and they can cry on yours.

Who you can laugh with.

Who you'll share your deepest thoughts with

and be frank with.

People who you

trust

care about

love.

Those people are the biggest blessings you'll receive in your life. You can't take them for granted. And you can't thank God enough for giving them to you. These people make you laugh, help you through hard times, challenge you to be a better person, and make your life more beautiful than you could ever ask for.

"The blessing it is to have a friend to whom one can speak fearlessly on any subject; with whom one's deepest as well as one's most foolish thoughts come out simply and safely. Oh, the comfort - the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person - having neither to weight thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away."
-Dinah Craik

To Recognize, to Know

People have a certain beauty about them. And of course we've all heard the cliched statement, "Everyone is different. Everyone is special in their own way." But as I build closer and closer relationships with people, the more I realize this statement is true. Each person is special in their own way. Why? The first chapter of Genesis informs us, "So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them." God created us. I've always loved imagining God as the Creator. I may not be the most this way, but I can be a somewhat artsy person. And being that way, I can see why God loves all of His creation so much, and why He cares for all of it so much. But also, I love that He makes each thing different - just as an artist does. An artist may have a general style, but each thing he creates is unique and incredible in its own way. God has a way of making each person entirely unique. Entirely different. With an entirely different story.
As a child, I didn't understand the uniqueness of each person. My parents always told me that everyone has an entirely unique lifestyle, and entirely unique way of thinking. I used to imagine, "Weelll... what if someone rode their bike at the -exact- same time I did, spent time with their family at the -exact- same time I did, looked -exactly- like I do, etc. etc." After I grew older though, I began to realize that no one is going to have the exact same experience. No one is going to think the same way, have the same opinions, have experienced the same joys and pains.
In any case, my purpose for this post was not to give you cheesy, warm, fuzzy feelings. On the contrary, I have something I want to point out. And perhaps it's a random hangup that I have. But it's something that I've noticed more and more lately, and as my mom would say, it's getting on my case. I have realized that people, even close friends, will stereotype a person to the point that they don't see the other qualities and traits of a person. For instance, one of my friends is extremely intelligent. He's smart, intellectual, theologically sound, all of that grand stuff. But people fail to look beyond that sometimes. Oftentimes they'll look at him and say, "Oh look at him! He's the guy who is intelligent and intellectual." And yes, that is part of his unique self, but do we look beyond it? Why do we not look beyond that to see the entire person? To see all of the interesting traits? Another one of my friends has a reputation for being silly. And yes, she's silly. Extremely silly. Hilariously silly. I love her silliness. But she and myself constantly become annoyed when no one else realizes that she has other traits besides that. For me? I have a reputation for being cute. I don't have any earthly idea why, but over the past year or so, I have picked up the reputation of being "the cute one." Now don't get me wrong, I don't mind being called cute. It's a compliment. It's nice. But I get extremely frustrated when every other word I say, every other expression I make, someone blurts out, "Oh my gawsh Madison, you are so adorable!" Um. Thanks?
Of course we're all going to have more prominent traits. Some people are musically inclined, some people get 800s on their SAT scores, some people are Mr. Fix-its, some people are good at giving advice, some people have an eye for fashion, some people are theologically sound, some people always have a song to go along with the conversation at hand, etc. These are things that are going to stand out to us. But my point is, I don't like it when that's all we notice. I don't like it when that's the only thing people go so far to observe. When people call me cute or adorable, yes, it's nice, but I wish they would look beyond just that. These things are so superficial. We all have our own traits and talents, and it's important, especially with your close friends, to observe these. It's important to sit down and listen to a person, to learn about them, to know them.
Each person has their story. Each person does not consist of one talent, one trait, one idiosyncrasy. We should never judge a person by the one trait that particularly stands out. Because people are a world of traits. People have a world of knacks. People have a world of trials and seasoning that no one else has. My dad has always told me that people want to be known. And honestly, that's one of the biggest chunks of wisdom anyone has ever given me. People do want to be known. It's part of our nature to want to be known - the whole person.
Don't judge a book by its cover.
Recognize the uniqueness.
Know the story.
God created this person to be known by Him and by other people. Don't just love one mannerism. Don't go by the superficial. Love the whole person.

Of Changes and Christmas

First off I'd like to promise you I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. Ever since my last post, life has been insane. It has come with it's good days and bad days and in between days. Days you want to scream (or actually did scream.... in a restaurant... oops) from excitement, days you sit on your bed and cry because things are going so awfully, days that are so ho-hum you really couldn't care less about anything. But with all of these days there has been a recurring theme of change. Some of the changes haven't been good. But about 97 and a half percent of them have been great.

Lately I've been building really close relationships. Of course, I've always had my friends, but back a couple of months ago, it felt like I was losing some of them. I did. And I can't hide the fact that it hurt, and still does. But despite the fact that I've lost some of my friends, I've formed closer relationships with the other friends I still have. The ones who have been loyal to me ever since I met them. They've started trusting me more. Talking to me more. Teasing me more. Hugging me more. I love those friends. I love loyalty in friends so much, I'm pretty sure it's worthy of canonization. As Arnold Glasgow said, "A loyal friend laughs at your jokes when they're not so good, and sympathizes with your problems when they're not so bad." Loyalty brings light to life. It promises a constant, steady hand to hold you up when all you want to do is fall. I love my loyal friends.

Speaking of friends... kind of... my "not" "ish" "it's hard to explain" boyfriend officially asked me to be his girlfriend. See, coming out of conservative home school families, we're not exactly ones to rush into things. lol But after two years (exactly two years after our first dance. aaawwwww) we became "official," you might say. People's reactions were hilarious. Some people's reactions were, "Wait. What? Weren't y'all already basically official?" Others were screaming and bouncing off the walls. Either way, for the first two days, about every five minutes I would just start giggling. Talk about a ridiculous 16 year old. Either way. I'm excited... you know... maybe a little.

{us ice skating this Saturday. Thanks to Mrs. Joy for the fantastic picture!}

More changes have been abounding, but the one that stands out the most is our new dog. For those of you who have been reading my blog since back the summer know we lost our four year old cocker spaniel in July this year. It was really sad, and honestly I still haven't gotten over it. Every now and then I'll still watch a video of him or see a picture of him and my eyes will water up. You'd think it wouldn't take that long to heal over the loss of a pet. Or maybe I'm just over sensitive? Either way, we've gotten past the really hard part, and we got a new dog. He is also a cocker spaniel, and is actually older than Winston was. We adopted him from a lady who had taken him in from a shelter. 

His name is Connor and he's a total sweet heart. Well. For the most part. Since he's older it's hard to train him not to do things that he's done for his whole life. For instance, jumping on people when they have food. Also he has this habit of jumping up on the couch, but we kind of gave up on trying to stop him doing that after two days. I mean, really, who doesn't want a dog snuggled up next to them on the couch while they're watching a movie? In any case, I'm really excited about having him. I still haven't gotten used to having another dog in the house after Winston died. I still want Winston back. I don't think I'll ever love a dog more than I loved him. But I still have my memories of him, plus pictures and a little piece of his fur sitting on my bookcase. And now we have another dog to make memories with and love. And that's a whole new exciting adventure that I'm setting out on.


 

Christmas. It's finally come. Finally no one can complain that "it's to early to celebrate!" Honestly, I've been celebrating since September, and I'm not tired of it yet. Christmas music, Christmas movies, Christmas everything. I adore me some Christmas stuff. I was one of those people born with an ability to love Christmas in a sort of obnoxious "I like Christmas so I'm going to celebrate it all year" way.  Most people don't like it, so I keep it to myself generally, unless I happen to be around another joyous lover of all things Christmas (except blow up Santas and Frosty the Snow Men). My Christmas season has already begun with a bang. Thanksgiving was great, and heralded in the coming season when everyone seems a little bit nicer, and everything thing seems to be seen in a little bit brighter light. On Friday my family went to cut down our Christmas tree. There's nothing like going out onto a Christmas tree farm and searching for that perfect tree that you know is the right one. You just get this fuzzy feeling in your heart when you see that tree. Because you know it's the right one. We found ours, cut it down, took it home, and put lights on it. But being as tired as we were, we didn't decorate it. But just the lights give you that feeling of, "It's Christmas." <3

On Saturday I went over to Daniel's house to help their family decorate their house for Christmas. There's nothing like decorating trees and houses for Christmas. It was particularly special for me, because Daniel's brother, Steven, who has been away at college for the past four months, was back home and I got to see him the whole day. As soon as I got to their house, the tree was out of the box, ornaments came out in hundreds. Daniel and I did the top of the tree, while his two little (adorable) sisters did the front and center. Because obviously when you're a little kid, the only part of the tree you notice is the bottom front of the tree. Some rearrangement was necessary. ;) Daniel, Drew (his other brother), and I tied a pretty garland down their banister. And all of a sudden, everything looked a little bit more magical. After decorating the house, we went ice skating with some of our friends. The second I was on the ice, I remembered why I hated it so much two years ago. I had only been once, and I swore I would never hit the ice again (literally). That promise to myself was broken, as you saw in the picture above. For the first 45 minutes I was in misery as Daniel dragged me around the ice and attempted to keep me from falling. Which worked about 73% of the time. After that I got off the ice because I was so sick of it and spent my time taking pictures. Then I went back out with my friend Alana, who is nicer than certain young men (*cough* Josh *cough*) who try to make me fall and insult my humorous attempts to not fall. She helped me, let me stay on the wall as much as I wanted, and soon I was skating without the help of a wall or a guy catching me every three seconds. Proud of myself? Um. Yes. But do my legs hurt now? Um. I can't move without wanting to groan. I've honestly never been more achy. After ice skating, back to Daniel's house. Supper. Talking. Watching Get Smart. Talking more. Leaving. Good day.

Today was good too. Went to church, had nursery, and spent the last hour hanging out with Daniel, his brothers, and Macy (my cousin). Coffee and laughing. Went out to eat at Panera for lunch. Daniel came back to my house to help decorate our tree. Since our tree is 6 feet, and he's over 6 feet, I figured he could reach the top branches pretty well. Went for a walk and had a good conversation down at the lake. Went to drama at church, which of course was a Christmas skit. After that, Starbucks and curly fries and looking at Christmas lights for nearly two hours. 

My Christmas season has been good, and it's only been three days.

I love Christmas time. It has a certain charm to it. A quiet charm. Silent night, flickering candles, and the constant sheen of Christmas lights in the middle of the night. Hot chocolate, crackling fires, and wrapping presents. Singing Christmas carols, laughing because you sang the lyrics all wrong. Wearing Rudolph shirts and watching A Christmas Story for the five hundredth and sixty second time. Humming along to James Taylor while driving by houses with classy, decorated houses. Standing outside in the cold at night with your favorite sweater looking at the stars for hours. It's a Wonderful Life or How the Grinch Stole Christmas on Christmas Eve. Watching snow flakes fall while buying junk food to eat while watching Christmas movies.
Nativity scenes. Reading Luke 2 and loving the passage more every year. Quoting it as Linus quotes it in A Charlie Brown Christmas. Thanking God for the best gift ever given. Jesus being born to die for us to be saved. Imagining what was going through Mary's head. Joseph's head. Elizabeth's head. And knowing that God had all of it perfectly planned out. Listening to I Celebrate the Day by Relient K. 

Breathing in cold air. 

Seeing the Nutcracker every year.

Clasping your hands together in joy.

Snow flakes falling on Christmas night.

Joy falling on everyone's hearts in a rush.

It's that time of year.

For to us a child is born

to us a son is given;

and the government shall be upon His shoulder,

and His name shall be called

Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,

Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Of the increase of His government and of peace

there will be no end,

on the throne of David and over His kingdom,

to establish it and to uphold it

with justice and with righteousness

from this time forth and forevermore.

The zeal of the Lord of hosts will do this.

-Isaiah 9:6-7-

Instability and Commitment

Yes, I've been gone for a month. Where to? I really don't have any idea. Life has been up and down for the past two months, and it feels like it's going to keep going for... well... indefinitely.
What have I been doing? Really the only way I know how to describe it is being nostalgic. How can I spend my whole time being nostalgic? I have no idea. But I do seem to have spent a great deal of time lately doing so. And I suppose I wouldn't call it just your regular, all purpose use nostalgia. It all began back in late July, early August, when I had just returned from camp and was obviously missing Winston with every gut in me. It's taken me a long, long, long time to get over that.... apparently I don't deal with grief well. But thankfully I seem to finally be getting over it, after what seem to have been the longest one or two months of my life. But even with getting over that, there are other certain things that are unequivocally leaving me. Forever. And never, ever coming back. Things that I first never imagined would even leave me, and second, never imagined I would have missed as much as I do even if I did lose them. College students who have gone and aren't coming back much. People who have broken up and moved on. Friends who I was pretty sure were my friends but now are treating me like a little bit of the opposite sometimes. Lately I've felt like nothing is steady. And although I haven't experienced any major thing myself, like losing a parent or having a really close friend ditch me, after losing Winston and seeing oh-so-shaky friendships toward me and seeing all kinds of instability all around me makes me feel like it will happen to me. I feel unstable.
And during all this instability, it feels like even the things I thought were stable aren't. And sometimes I worry - what if these few things that I cling to fall through? In a world of instability and change, what chances do I have of keeping what I cling to now? Isn't it terribly likely that all of this, too, will fall through? And although I feel like I have at least a couple of very, very stable things in my life, sometimes I even question the stability of one or the other of those. Will these, too, fall under or leave, just as everything and everyone else seems to be doing?
In my pondering and contemplating these scary ideas, what does the good little Christian girl do? Well. The good little Christian girl automatically turns to God. The good little Christian girl automatically accepts the fact that He'll never leave. And so what have I recently started thinking about? Well, obviously the fact that He'll never leave and is always my fortress and refuge, whether things be stable or unstable. But although I may appear to be the good little Christian girl in that, that hasn't removed my fear. Just because I know that God is stable and will never leave doesn't remove my fear of losing the other things. I've never been really good at letting go of things, and giving them to God. So even though I cling to Him, I tend to still be grasping those things that I'm afraid of losing. I guess you could call them idols. But whatever you want to call them, they're there. They're present. And while I'm trying to hold on to what I know is stable, I'm also trying to cling to other things that I love that I don't want to lose. And while trying to live in two worlds, I begin to stress out because I know that I should surrender everything to Christ, but to be perfectly honest, I don't want to. Yeah. I just said that. I admit it. It isn't easy for me to give something over to anyone. When I have something I love, I cling to it with all my might and fury. It's something that comes with the circumstances of my background. I tend to be a jealous person, and I tend to not trust Christ with what I have. I trust his stability, but I don't easily trust Him with my instability.  I tend to not trust the only one Who is stable with my unstable things. Crazy, right? What can I say....
I have almost never had an easy time following the advice given by A.W. Tozer, "We are often hindered from giving up our treasures to the Lord out of fear for their safety. This is especially true when those treasures are loved relatives and friends. But we need have no such fears. Our Lord came not to destroy but to save. Everything is safe which we commit to Him, and nothing is really safe which is not so committed." I have always found this passage convicting. And especially now. I'm clinging to the unstable, instead of giving the unstable over to the one Who is stable and who "came not to destroy but to save." It is so true that whatever we don't commit to Him is not truly safe. My only problem is finding the strength to commit everything to Him.
I remember when I was little, I didn't really understand committing things to God. When I thought of committing things to Him, I thought of giving Him my toys, and on a huge scale, my room, or something like that. But as I've gotten older, I've realized that my commitment problems are not so much with my material possessions, but with life as how I want it to be. I want my friends back from college. I want Winston to come back. I want to plan my own future. I want certain couples to get back together and certain couples to break apart. I want certain friends to come back into my life like they used to be. I want some (or, okay, a lot) things to stay the same. Committing these things to Christ is not what I want to do. I want to feel in control.
But in reality, I can't control any of those things, no matter how much I want to. And the great comfort of committing them to God? He does control them. He controls everything. He has a plan for all of this. He has a plan that I often can't understand, and sometimes don't even like. But whether I like it or not is not what I should be worried about. What I should remember, instead, is that He does only good to those who love Him, and does nothing to harm them. All these things were planned before time. All these things are in His hands.

And when I remember that, sometimes committing the unstable things in my life doesn't seem so scary after all.

I've been living out of sanity 

I've been splitting hairs and blurring lines

I am a house that is divided

In my heart and in my mind

I use one hand to pull You closer

The other to push You away

If I had two hands doing the same thing

Lifted high, lifted high

{two hands - jars of clay}

I'd Rather Be Living

And I have been. Lots of living to have been done lately.
There is something about simply enjoying simple daily pleasures that make me so happy. Like seeing the first signs of autumn. Discovering new (good) musicians. Chipping all my nail polish off. Owling.
Life has been pretty good lately. It's been pretty happy. It's been pretty full. It's been pretty much amazing. This month hasn't been the greatest, but the past week has been fantastic. And yesterday was one of those days when you want to throw your hands up and scream, "I had the most freaking amazing day ever!" Because it basically was. It wasn't particularly anything special. I didn't even do a lot. But it was so amazing. So fun. So beautiful. And it looked so autumnal outside.

But life has been treating me well.

I went to some of my friend's home church last Sunday for one of my buddy's 17th birthday.
I went to church on Wednesday and had a great time of worship. And had the Lord's Supper. And watched around 15-20 people get baptized.
Got to talk to a person with Downs Syndrome. I love people with Downs. They're so sweet and cute. <3
Broke my typical rule of being a mature, snarky, and old junior by climbing up in the coolest playground ever with my best friend.
Found a three and a half inch long roach on my wall next to my bed soon after I got up.
Heard my brother scream louder than I've ever heard him scream before (which says a lot. Because he screams pretty loudly. And he has a really deep voice. So it's painful. Especially when you're innocently looking at shoes on the DSW website and suddenly your eardrums are busted and you're pretty sure your ears are bleeding)
Was so mad about something I wanted to rip my hair out. But I refrained. And just sat there and smiled. Amusing predicament.
Decided this song was pretty fantastic. Good first dance song at a wedding. Definitely.

And that was just my week. My yesterday was even better. Credit all the pictures (except the last two in this post) to one of my favorite people, Holly <3

Went hiking with all of my best friends
For at least three miles.
And didn't die.
Or even whine.
Saw the first signs of autumn in the deep blue sky and beautiful warm toned light that shone through the trees.
Felt like we were in the Fellowship of the Ring with nine super awesome people walking around in a place that looked identical to places in the movie.
Went to a place that is usually has super awesome waterfalls, but was turned off.
And there were lots of pretty deep pockets of water.
And what do you do when you're hot and there are 27 signs saying don't swim and the water is super pretty and looks awesome?
You go swimming.
So awesome. Except when my cousin, Macy, and Daniel dunked me in the water.
And I had mascara on.
And I looked emo.
And everyone laughed at me.
Swam for at least 30 minutes.
Felt so crazy joyful. Not happy. Joyful. Merry. Frolicsome.
Skipped over tons of rocks joyfully.
Saw a white turtle.
Laughed.
Owled.


Didn't have my camera and was super chagrined about that.
Laid out on a rock and was pretty sure I was going to get a third degree burn it was so hot.
Randomly loved this picture of my brother.

Went back to my friends' house.
Sat around. Talked.
Wanted to take a nap because nothing makes me more tired than swimming (or taking care of three year olds, but that's beside the point)
Watched a video of my friend Rachel rapping when she was eight years old
Listened to RelientK with my brother on the way home
Took a picture with my buddyyy Holly with our Dr. Seuss shirts on


So although I adore blogging.....
I'd rather be living. <3
(so I can later blog about how I'd rather be living. how ironic. and stupid of me)

The cream of enjoyment in this life is always
impromptu.
The chance walk; the unexpected visit;
the unpremeditated journey;
the unsought conversation or acquaintance.
{fanny fern}

A Taste in Music

Or rather, my taste in music.
My taste in music has grown over the years; when I was younger, about all I would listen to was Christian music, and even then I was very particular about it - it had to be Steven Curtis Chapman, Chris Tomlin, Third Day, or some such very well known band that my parents enjoyed. Then people started getting me to listen to other music. Like. Pop music. Which terrified me at first. Yes. Really. But as I began to discover new music, I found that, hey, it's actually pretty good. But the stuff that I first started listening to was stuff like Taylor Swift and popular Miley Cyrus songs. Mostly just pop music, and a little country here and there.
That has changed again quite recently. I've found that tho, yes, I still do enjoy pop music (-gasp-), I'm much more likely to enjoy something along the lines of alternative or singer/songwriter or some rock music than I will enjoy pop music.
So. With that being said, here are a few of my favorite bands and singers, why I like them, aannndd if you're even slightly interested, some songs by them that I highly recommend. Soherewego....


Band: Parachute
Genre: Alternative Rock
A tidbit about why I like them: I've honestly only been listening to this band for a matter of a few months. But ever since I heard the first song I ever heard by them, I was in love with them. Will's voice is so unique and beautiful. Their music pretty much sums up what I like in a band, and that is... okay this is gonna sound weird... but my favorite kind of music is the kind that sounds like a big city. What I mean is whenever I'm listening to "White Dress" or "Kiss Me Slowly" or some other song by them I'm automatically transported to Chicago or New York. It just sounds like something that I would listen to riding through some big city at night. They may not be very popular, but I honestly can't imagine why they aren't, because their music just seems so perfect to me. And of course it doesn't hurt that they're all gorgeous. ;) But honestly, their music just sets me into this nearly perfect mood. I'm pretty much hooked.
My favorite songs by them: She (For Liz), White Dress, What I Know, Kiss Me Slowly

Band: Lifehouse
Genre: Alternative Rock
A tidbit about why I like them: Of course their most popular song is "You and Me", and I do love that song, but what really hooked me was their song "Everything." Ever since I heard that song, I have loved this band. My boyfriend randomly bought me their first CD a few months ago, and at first I wasn't incredibly impressed with their music. Most of it sounded the same. But the more I listened to the songs, and really listened, the more I fell in love with their music. I discovered that not only was their music the most perfect driving music in the world, but their lyrics were so filled with emotion. Also, like Will from Parachute, Jason has such a unique voice. It can make you want to laugh, cry, whatever. Their music is so filled with feeling and real emotion I can't help but love it.
My favorite songs by them: Blind (listen to this one. just do it.), Everything, Halfway Gone, You and Me


Band: Paul Colman Trio
Genre: Christian
A tidbit about why I like them: I guess I'm honestly a tad biased simply because I've grown up listening to this band. We have two of their CDs, tho I've only really listened to one all that much. But I must make a statement: the Newsboys are overrated. Yeah, that Australian Christian band. They're overrated. Because Paul Colman Trio is an Australian Christian band too, who honestly have a great deal better musical taste, and Paul has a fantastic voice. They're one of the best bands I know, and definitely one of the best Christian bands I know. Their music has the same effect Parachute has on me... it just makes me feel like I'm in some big city. Nooo idea why. But they're fantastic. You should go listen to them.
My favorite songs by them: It's honestly almost impossible to pick only a few favorites because they're all my favorites, but I suppose they would be - I'll Be With You, Solution, Into Your Arms, I Dream.
Tho, really, go buy their CD "One." I'm serious. Go do it now. Now. I mean it. Or I'll come and find you. And make you buy it.

Band: Jonas Brothers
Genre: Pop
A tidbit about why I like them: STOP. I see where you're going. You're running away screaming because I just said that the Jonas Brothers is one of my favorite bands. It's true. But you should stop running because I have an explanation to make. And that simply is: I'm not one of those crazy girls who runs around screaming "JONAS BROTHERS AHHHH." Nope. Yesh, they are quite beautiful, but I really don't care that much. I like them because I adore their music. Not really their earlier work, but their most recent album, Lines Vines and Trying Times is a wonderful work of music. And yes, I'm serious. Just because they're some post-popular boy band doesn't mean they can't play music. Because they can. These guys really are talented, and I appreciate that. Just because I tend to enjoy some chill alternative rock music doesn't mean I don't know a good pop song when I hear it. So that is my explanation. And stop freaking out. I'm serious.
My favorite songs by them: When You Look Me In The Eyes, Fly With Me, Black Keys, Turn Right

Band: U2
Genre: Alternative Rock
A tidbit about why I like them: Simple - they're an 80s British band that has the best taste of music ever. And that is all I have to say about these wonderful men who know how to put a tune together.
My favorite songs by them: I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For, With or Without You, Bullet the Blue Sky

Singer: Chris Rice
Genre: Christian/Folk
A tidbit about why I like him: This guy is my childhood. I grew up with this guy. He's always been one of my favorite singers in the whole world. There's really nothing special about him. He just plays some chill laid-back music. It sounds like the kind of thing you would wake up to on a bright early summer morning. And I have so many memories tied to the songs that he plays. The only bad thing I can I say about him is if you're looking for deep theological Christian music, he isn't the guy. Tho many of his songs are "Christian" they're not very deep. But if you want just some music to chill to, this is the guy to go for. But I'm going to warn you right off the bat: this guy is gonna make you smile.
My favorite songs by him: The Other Side of the Radio, 8th Grade, Circle Up, Nonny Nonny, My Cathedral, Everything's OK, Deep Enough to Dream, Smell the Color 9, The Face of Christ, Home Tonight, Smellin' Coffee, The Power of the Moment, Live By Faith, Lemonade, Wind and Spirit, Missin You.
Yeah... sorry for that many songs. But I adore these songs. If you're interested in getting a CD, get Run the Earth and Watch the Sky, and if you're a Christmas nerd like I am, get his "The Living Room Sessions: Christmas."

Singer: John Mayer
Genre: Blues Rock/Acoustic Rock
A tidbit about why I like him: John Mayer had me with "Why Georgia." There is nothing I appreciate more than a good chill song that I can listen to on the road. And this song is absolutely one of those songs. And his music is just like that. Again, his voice is pretty unique. And his skills on the guitar never fail to impress me. I don't know a lot of songs by him, but the ones that I do know I really adore. They're the kind of songs that I can get stuck in my head and not be annoyed. His soulful music is something that I can't help but love.
My favorite songs by him: Why Georgia, Half of My Heart, Free Fallin (not by him, but I love his cover), Heartbreak Warfare

Singer: Josh Groban
Genre: Operatic Pop
A tidbit about why I like him: If you can reach perfection in singing, this guy has reached it. I've never heard a voice that can make your soul want to fly more than this guy. Every time I listen to his music, I feel like I'm taken to some chill place where I can just sit and think. The soft piano, the perfect opera voice, the melodic movement of the music is near to perfection. The first song I listened to by him was "You Raise Me Up," and as one of my friends Alana continued to go crazy about his music, I kept listening to him more and more, and I became more and more impressed. I haven't listened to all of his songs, but I have to put him as one of my favorite artists simply because his music has made such an impression on me. I really appreciate the realness of his music.
My favorite songs by him: February Song, You Raise Me Up, Bells of New York City

Band: Coldplay
Genre: Alternative Rock
A tidbit about why I like them: As I said about Josh Groban, if perfection of a band can be reached, Coldplay has reached it. I remember the first time I heard of them was when my cousin told me about their song "Viva la Vida," and I thought the lyrics were weird, so I ignored them, generally, as a band. But I kept listening to the song, and I liked it. A lot. I slowly began to hear more and more of their songs, and although I still don't own all of their CDs, I can say without hesitation that Coldplay is one of my top favorite bands. Ever. Their music just sounds like British rock, and there is almost nothing better than British rock. They have the ability to want to make you dance and the ability to make you want to just sit and think. If a band has the ability to do that, they've got to be pretty talented. Coldplay. Rocks.
My favorite songs by them: Every Teardrop is a Waterfall, The Scientist, Violet Hill, Life in Technicolor ii

Singer: Steven Curtis Chapman
Genre: Christian
A tidbit about why I like him: Last of his kind, I promise... but I had to include one more of the guys I grew up with. He's the guy that nearly every Christian will recognize right off the bat, but I'd say there are few people who truly like him as much as I do. I love the sound of his music. You can tell immediately it's him every time, because it just sounds like his music. I can't really go into much detail, because I'd say all of you are Christians and have heard of him. But I simply had to include him because he really is one of my all time favorites!
My favorite songs by him: Speechless, Whatever, Dive, The Change, Live Out Loud, God Is God, See the Glory, All Things New, Only Getting Started, Heaven Is The Face, I Will Trust You, Spring is Coming, Beauty Will Rise
Once again I have to apologize for all these favorites. But I've grown up with this guy... so impossible to choose!

Singer: Michael Buble
Genre: Big band/jazz
A tidbit about why I like him: Well. Maybe his beautiful, soulful voice and big soulful eyes and his way of looking so annoyingly preppy and yet so absolutely perfect that you just want to scream. Once again, my friend Alana kind of got me hooked on his music. I had heard it before, and had some of his music, but it's really been just recently that I've really fallen in love with his perfect voice and 40s/50s jazz-like music, and yet his ability to make it sound so modern and merry. There really isn't anything to not love about his music. His music just makes me so gleeful and bubbly.
My favorite songs by him: Hold On, The Way You Look Tonight (his cover on it), Hollywood, Haven't Met You Yet

Band: The Wallflowers
Genre: Alternative Rock
A tidbit about why I like them: *SQUEE* I love these guys more than I can possibly express. Their music is absolutely driving music. Just that stuff that you want to drive on a long stretch of road to. Jakob is Bob Dylan's son, and he has such a unique voice. This music is so chill and so perfect. My mom bought one of their CDs only a few months ago, but I'm not even joking when I say that we've listened to it hundreds of times. Not an exaggeration at all. My mom and I basically adore this CD, and I don't think I can ever get tired of it, considering that we've already listened to it hundreds of times and haven't gotten tired of it.
My favorite songs by them: One Headlight, Bleeders, Angel On My Bike, The Difference

Singer: Justin Bieber
Genre: Pop/R&B
A tidbit about why I like him: And now you are freaking out as much as you were with the Jonas Brothers. And understandably. Because JB is the big heart throb among girls today, or as Plugged In online astutely described him, "the latest mop-topped poppet." But as I said, I do know a good pop song when I hear one. Also, I think at least a tiny portion of the reason I like him is simply because so many people are such freaks about him. I don't mind poking a little fun at pop singers, but when it gets to the point where people are jokingly say they want to kill him, please shut your face. It's tiring and immature. Also, I'm sick of the gay jokes about him. I mean honestly, he does have impressive musical talent. And although not all of his songs have made a particular impression on me, I do like a lot of his music. If I just feel like dancing around my room to some music, he's a good choice. His musical skill is pretty fantastic, and even if his voice is higher pitched than most, that doesn't mean it's not super impressive and awesome. So yeah... that's all I have to say about this fantastic mop-topped poppet.
My favorite songs by him: Pray, One Time, Never Say Never, Somebody to Love, Next to You (actually a Chris Brown song, but I love this song, and Justin Bieber's contribution to it, a lot), Love Me, U Smile

Band: The Avett Brothers
Genre: Folk Rock
A tidbit about why I like them: I've grown up listening to a lot of bluegrass music, and these guys are the epitome of awesome in that department. They are a perfect mix of bluegrass and rock. I heard of these guys a while ago, but I really got into their music a few months ago when I had the opportunity of hearing them in concert. And these guys. Are. AMAZING. In concert. They make you want to scream, go wild, and heck, they're playing bluegrass. That's pretty talented. I love the excitement and energy they put into their music. They're so creative. I love that their voices aren't flawless. They're almost a little off key, but it's so perfect for their kind of music. And what I love more than anything is that in one CD or one concert, they can sound like a rock band, The Beatles, and a bluegrass band. It's so amazing, because they all seem to go perfectly together. They're fantastic.
My favorite songs by them: Will You Return, The Ballad of Love and Hate, I Would Be Sad, Kick Drum Heart, Die Die Die, Paranoia in B Major, January Wedding, Swept Away, Head Full of Doubt/Road Full of Promise, And It Spread, Pretty Girl From San Diego, Slight Figure of Speech

Band: Relient k
Genre: Punk Rock
A tidbit about why I like them: Um. What is not to like about these guys? They nearly reach perfection of music. In one song you're dieing laughing, and in the next they're pulling your heartstrings. This band is one of the best. I remember I used to be a little ticked because they called themselves a Christian band, but didn't really play that much Christian music. And yeah, it is annoying they call themselves a Christian band. They may be Christians, but they don't play much Christian music. But that doesn't bother me much anymore, because I do appreciate their music. In fact, I love it. Adore it. It's typical fare for me and my brother to be driving down the road blasting some good 'ol Relient k. Lovelovelove their music.
My favorite songs by them: Forward Motion, Be My Escape, In Love With the 80s, College Kids, I Am Understood?, Getting Into You, Trademark
Oh. And get their Christmas album. Best. Christmas album. Ever. Not even joking.

Singer: Taylor Swift
Genre: Country/Pop
A tidbit about why I like her: So. For a while, I was afraid of saying Taylor Swift was one of my favorite singers. Because I didn't want to seem like that girl who was so crazy obsessed with Taylor that she was all she ever listened to. And, admittedly, I used to be that girl. But after my music tastes started broadening and maturing, I didn't really want to say that she was one of my favorites. But now I shall FEARLESSly say that she is one of my favorites. ;) Reason being, like with Justin Bieber and the Jonas Brothers, I know she is talented. Why else would she be so famous? Who can write songs like her, or sing like her? I refuse to deny talent just because it's popular. And I can't help but love her music. Tho I won't claim her to be my favorite singer like I used to, I will never deny that she is one of my favorites. Not only is she talented, but her maturity and her humbleness and her clean music in a world of trash will never stop impressing me. She is one of the first pop singers I started listening to, and I love her to this day. It's kind of hard not to.
My favorite songs by her: Fearless, Hey Stephen, The Way I Loved You, Speak Now, Enchanted, Best Day, Last Kiss, Long Live, Tied Together With a Smile, Stay Beautiful, Should've Said No

Band: Nickel Creek
Genre: Bluegrass/Alternative
A tidbit on why I like them: I remember the first time I saw this (^) CD cover. I looked at my mom. I looked at the CD. I looked at my mom again. I pointed at Chris and said, "He has weird hair." My opinion of them has changed a great deal since that first time I saw them. My favorite CD is absolutely their self entitled CD, as shown above. This is the kind of music that makes me want to go to the Smoky Mountains, go to a remote cabin during cold weather, wrap up in a huge sweater and fuzzy blanket, and listen to this music. They get more into alternative music as their CDs go on, but they still are tied to their bluegrass roots.
My favorite songs by them: The Lighthouse's Tale, When You Come Back Down, Robin and Marian, The Fox, Spit on a Stranger, Speak, When In Rome, Jealous of the Moon

Singer: Ella Fitzgerald
Genre: Swing/Jazz
A tidbit about why I like her: Why? Because dang that lady can sing.
My favorite songs by her: They Can't Take That Away From Me, Let's Call The Whole Thing Off
And her Christmas CD is fantastic!

Singer: Josh Bales
Genre: Country
A tidbit about why I like him: Ladies and gentleman, I have come here today to introduce you to the most musically genius man ever. I'm about 99% sure you've never heard of Josh Bales. And that's because he's a pretty much unheard of guy. But this guy has one of the best, most unique voices you'll ever hear. And you really need to go look him up on iTunes right now and buy all his music. I'm honestly a bigger fan of his earlier music that isn't technically country, but even his country music is a joy to listen to. And also, his Christian music is some of the deepest, most worshipful music you'll ever hear. Give him the support he deserves. Because this guy with a beautiful voice should be heard and everyone should know who he is. He's fantastic.
My favorite songs by him: A Hymn For All the World, Good Day, Grey T-shirt (the acoustic version, not the version off of "If I Was a Prince"), Dark Haired Darling, Wind in My Sails, Satisfied, Intimate, The Trial, I Need You, Only the Sinner, Nature of a Romance, Boardgames
(and if you read my Summit post, you'll know that I got to hear him for two weeks straight at camp, and met him the last day! whoooo!)


Band: David Crowder Band
Genre: Christian Rock
A tidbit about why I like them: Saving best for last.... this band is definitely in my top three favorite bands. I'm usually not a huge fan of Christian music, simply because it all sounds the same. But David Crowder, the second I hear any of their songs, I automatically just want to worship. They're so different. And David? Not only does he look like the local coffee shop type guy, but his voice is incredible. I'm so upset they're breaking up, but the music they have out now is something that I know I'll continue to listen to for years to come.
My favorite songs by them: O Praise Him, Only You, Here Is Our King, Wholly Yours, The Glory of It All, How He Loves, All Around Me, Alleluia Sing


So sorry for this unbelievably long post. But hopefully I haven't completely bored you to death. -giggle-
Goodnight all.