Growing Up

Growing up.
It's something we all do sooner or later. Hopefully.
And honestly, it's something I've been mulling over in my mind lately. I can't really seem to stop thinking about it. It's stuck in my mind and it's continually growing and growing.
I'm getting older. I'm nearly 16. And I'm still a teenager, and I love being a teenager, and I love doing things a teenager just does. It's great. It's wonderful. But as I sit here, an upperclassman, nearly 16, and something hits me.
I'm no longer a child.
And as I consider this, I continually get frustrated with myself. I've always been a rather happy, bubbly person, but sometimes I can go overboard on the bubbly part and start acting like a little freshman girl. Recently, every time I do this I immediately become frustrated with myself. Why am I still acting like a child? Why am I not growing up? Why can't I just be mature and perfect with the snap of my fingers?
Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to grow up to fast: as in, I'm not trying to grow up so I can be Miss Business Woman, I'm not growing up so I can go be an adult... I just want to be mature.
This is kind of a weird post, I know... not your typical topic for a blog, but hey, it's weighing on my mind. As I consider growing up, I wonder how you even do it. I mean, you watch these movies, and in the beginning, the person is an idiot and then magically at the end they're perfect and you love them. Why is that? Why can't life be like that? Why can't I magically change in two hours from an annoying girl to a mature, analytical, intelligent young woman? It doesn't seem fair that the girls in the movies get to do that.
It's funny how much I've changed throughout the year though. Even though I wouldn't consider myself a wise young woman yet (as you can tell from the attitude of this post), I know I've at least changed in my viewpoint toward myself. I remember last year that someone I knew told me I was getting more and more silly. Well. Silly me. I thought I was getting more and more mature. I was exorbitantly peeved at this guy, because I thought I was so mature and intelligent.
I thought I was so great. I thought I was always right. I thought I was becoming exactly who I wanted to be.
Heh heh.
I think it's required in high school that you look back at yourself every year and think, "Gosh. I was so immature last year."
I've changed a lot in my thoughts about myself.
I realize that yes. I was silly. I was immature. And I was annoying.
And yeah. I'm still the same way. But now, I'm honestly trying to overcome said barrier.
Overcoming such a large wall, however, is not exactly what I'm used to. I'm used to being my regular old self. Actually trying to change the way I act and say things and do things is not a part of my regular habits. As I said in movies, it just seems to magically happen in two hours. In real life, it seems like that doesn't happen. I know some of it just happens over time. I can tell that in some ways, I actually have matured in the past couple of years.
{gasp}
But not in all the ways I would like.
I honestly get sick of myself being immature and annoying just to get attention. I sit and think to myself, "Why can't I just be rational like so-and-so? Why can't I just act like so-and-so? Why can't I just be normal like so-and-so."
I can say from experience, it's not an overnight process.
I know in time I'll become who I should be, and who God created me to be. It's all a process, and I know that eventually I'll get there. But at the moment it just seems like a long road ahead of me until I become who I want to be.
Honestly, I feel like I should leave this post feeling inspired. But at the moment I just see nothing but the work of growing up ahead of me, and no telling when it'll end. I'll probably look back on this in 10 years and think of how silly I was, and think about all the lessons I've learned.
I can't wait to learn those lessons.
I can't wait to be mature.
I can't wait to be grown up.
I can't wait to be my future rational self.

When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought
like a child,
I reasoned like a child.
When I became a man, I gave up
childish ways.
For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face.
Now I know in part;
then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.
{1 corinthians 13:11-12)